Split Up Chores, Keep Marriage Together

Too bad my husband’s got asthma and I have to deal with more chores because his nose can’t handle cleaning products. Husband: make breakfast, wash clothes and dishes, vacuum. Me: make lunch and dinner, iron clothes, wash dishes, clean bedroom, living room, bathrooms, and kitchen, fold and put away clothes, throw out trash, sort and throw out recycles, do all the driving, translate from Japanese, and clean the kitty litter. I love my husband, but I don’t love all the thankless work I do every day.

TheReporterandTheGirlMINUSTheSuperMan!

What’s your least favorite household chore? Cleaning the toilet? Folding the laundry? Who does the house cleaning in your relationship? Studies show that couples who share household chores equally are happier, especially if both partners carry their fair share of the work agreeably. PsychCentral says divvying up household chores equitably and agreeably can be difficult for two-career couples, but it’s important to discuss and agree how to get the housework done.

All Things Equal

A University of Illinois study found that equal sharing of housework means a better chance for marital happiness. The study examined 220 heterosexual newly married couples and their beliefs, behaviors and marital quality. University of Illinois professor of human development and family studies Brian G. Ogolsky says it’s important for couples to work out their expectations for sharing chores in the first few years of their marriage because the patterns that get established persist and affect…

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Rantings 2011

I’ve come into a strange (and somewhat sad) realization: I don’t really know myself.

Yes, I can say that I’m pretty, voluptuous, and happy. I’m always smiling and I say things that can be insightful or funny. I don’t like what everyone else likes all of the time. I’d rather choose happiness over wealth. I don’t like racial or gender discrimination. Those things I know. But what else? Isn’t there more to me, more to a person, when knowing oneself. Isn’t knowing oneself conforming to your own self’s beliefs and principles amongst any circumstance? Isn’t there a consistent self?

I wish I understood those things, especially those about myself. I’ve always looked at myself from the comparison of others. I stand next to someone, and immediately, I’m comparing, I’m judging, I’m putting myself second unless I know I’m better than them. But who am I really? Growing up, it wasn’t about me by myself. It was how I was me alongside everyone else. I didn’t even realize that I did this comparison thing until I left the U.S., twenty-four years into my life. Now that I see it, I’m starting to understand so many things that have made me wonder about myself.

For instance, my former editor-in-chief kept getting on my case about my writing. “You need to find your voice.” But I couldn’t understand that. I wrote the best I could in the way I usually wrote. And since graduating from college, I’ve abandoned a career choice of becoming a physical therapist. But what do I want to do now? Ironically, it’s writing. Then there’s the lack of consistency in my daily life, like saying to run every day when I don’t or scheduling myself to read every day, but I don’t. If I can’t keep a simple promise to myself, how is it that I can keep a promise.

How do I climb out of a hole dug for twenty-four years?

 

The Nice-Guy Cliche in Korean Dramas

I’ve watched many Korean dramas. They all have the same formula: rich guy with a huge chip on his shoulder ends up falling in love with an outgoing and talented girl while their families and fans make their lives hell. In most Korean dramas, or K-dramas, the Cinderella girl has a person on her side, acting like her fairy godfather, and this guy becomes the series’ nice guy.

It’s ironic that the nice guy is the man who viewers love the most in a K-drama, and yet, the plots live true to the nice guy cliché—nice guys don’t get the girl. For instance, in Boys Before Flowers, one of the top K-dramas from 2009, the nice guy was Ji Hoon, a sensitive and caring guy who watched over his love. However much he doted on her, he wasn’t the person she wanted to accompany her on her enchanted pumpkin ride into the sun.

But it’s not the nice guy that simply gets the pumpkin innards all over themselves. The actors who play the nice guys also lose some fans when they are cast for a new K-drama. Taking from Boys Before Flowers again, young actor Kim Hyun Joong (Ji Hoon) was cast as the main love interest in the 2010 Playful Kiss K-drama. However, he didn’t come to the show as the same loving and sensitive character that helped him to get the Best Supportive Character in a Series award of 2009. Instead, he came back as the rich guy with a huge chip on his shoulder. It crushed me to watch one of my favorite characters disappear into thin smoke, and I’m sure many other viewers felt the same way.

Similar to Kim Hyun Joong’s evaporated good-guy act is the budding acting career of Jung Yong Hwa, singer and guitarist to the popular boy band, CN Blue. He played in 2009’s You’re Beautiful alongside Park Shin Hye as another sensitive guy looking out for his beautiful band member who was posing as her twin brother. While Jung Yong Hwa made many fans fall in love with his perceptive character, his subsequent 2011 series, Heartstrings, failed to garner as many fans as his 2009 performance. Though he didn’t stray too far from his You’re Beautiful character in Heartstrings, playing an embittered version of Kang Shin Woo (You’re Beautiful) didn’t suit Jung Yong Hwa nor his fans, who were disappointed by the abandonment of his nice guy persona.

Another actor who fell victim to this nice-guy-turned-bad-guy formula was Lee Sun Gyun, one of the main actors from the hit 2007 K-drama, Coffee Prince. In the series, he played the fun-loving and understanding man named Choi Han Seung. He was an interesting guy with a little bit of baggage to keep his character from becoming too two-dimensional. This quality was something that I completely adored about the character and the actor. Unfortunately, Lee Sun Gyun was cast for another series, Pasta, in which he played as the new head chef to a Korean Italian-food restaurant. Although Lee Sun played the role beautifully, keeping his character, Choi Hyun Wook, from becoming too outrageous and unbelievable, Lee Sun veered away from the reason to love him: his complete and utter understanding of his love interest.

In spite of gaining attention from fans from previous K-dramas, actors who play the nice guy in one series and the bad guy in the next series normally face difficulties in re-establishing fans. I wouldn’t say it’s their fault for having writers and producers obsessed with the same bad-guy, good-girl formula. But Hyun Joon, Jung Yong Hwa, and Lee Sun Gyun and all of the actors watching Cinderella run with another man, they need their own fairy godmother to steer them away from K-drama nice-guy pitfalls.

Signs of Sucky Singers

Let’s face it: some singers can’t sing. Like, really, they can’t carry a tune. If it weren’t for the auto-tuner, their 15-plus minutes of fame and flames would’ve been snuffed out long before a record was released. And yet, everyone treats singers with the same respect as an honest politician. Most people know what Lindsay Lohan was doing last night, but what was that national policy that passed for Americans?

If you know that Lindsay’s back with her girlfriend (or not) and you have no clue as to what a healthcare policy is, don’t worry, I’m talking about you. The real issue here isn’t whether you know anything about politics. It’s about these people that are so-called singers and who can make it while their fans pretend that their voices only make sounds, not music.

How would you know if a real singer came along, not just some poser? So far, the best singers aren’t pumping out records like a factory. The best singers take their time trying to make their studio albums little gems of music. Singer-songwriter John Mayer was in no rush to record his soulful songs when he took 2 years between each of his 4 studio albums. Songstress Alicia Keys also took 2 or more years to complete and release 4 successful albums. Even diva favorites, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, and Christina Aguilera had a few years between each chart-topping album.

Of course, the show here isn’t about the vocal royalty. It’s about the dunces playing dress up. Sucky singers use whatever fame and drama they have to release studio albums. Britney Spears churned out the albums when she was at the peak of controversy or tabloid publicity. Baby, Hit Me One More Time (1999) and the following two albums were all released within a 3-year period. That’s an album a year. Actress Lindsay Lohan released her only 2 studio albums consecutively, Speak (2004) and A Little More Personal (2005), when her booze days started making headlines. Ashanti, the former lap-girl to Murder Inc., reached the height of her career between 2002 and 2004 with 3 albums, but her 2008 album, The Declaration, was her lowest-charting release. Ashanti didn’t have any newsworthy stints in 2008. For crooners, it’s up to drama to keep them afloat.

The time it takes for an album to be released is more of a minor sign to finding a true artist. Talented singers are artists, and artists of all natures always experiment, using every opportunity to expand their art. They cross boundaries, and in music, those boundaries are language barriers and genres.

Many great singers have sung their songs or joined forces with a native singer in a different language. Celine Dion partnered with Japan’s aspiring pop star, Yuna Ito, on a ballad in Japanese. Alicia Keys was the female vocalist to her and Alejandro Sanz’s English-Spanish duet, “Looking for Paradise”. Former Destiny’s Child member, Kelly Rowland, was featured in Tiziano Ferro’s song, “Breathe Gentle” in Italian. Real talent can defy the boundaries in language. If you listen to international sensation Leona Lewis sing in accent-free English versus speak in her native British tongue, it’s quite surprising that her singing voice sounds like an American singer’s voice. The lesson? If a singer has vocal talent, that talent won’t deter in a different language.

Besides crossing languages, talented singers can easily jump between music genres. Kelly Clarkson, the first winner of American Idol, has gone between rock, pop, and punk within 3 studio albums. Her presence on American Idol did the best in showcasing her talent. Every week, the American Idol contestants sang songs in different genres. If the contestant could sing well in most genres, they were likely to progress in the singing competition. Though the contestants were better suited for a certain genre or two, the best singers were the ones with limitless possibilities in music. No boundaries equaled no genres.

As for posers, they stick to one genre, and it shows. Do you see Ashley Simpson rocking out in R&B or soul? Not really, but her sister, Jessica, can really lay down some vocals in the pop and country genre. I don’t see Avril Lavigne putting a punch into neo-soul or anything other than rock. However, some of Adam Levine’s stuff can get downright soulful, especially with his Alicia Keys team up for their “Wild Horses” duet.

The funniest–and probably, the most ironic–part of being a singer’s fan is just having a small part of your body working; the ears are an amazing anatomical structure. Now, if the person on stage isn’t singing very well live, it should be as clear as a bell that this person can’t sing! But some fans don’t demand for their money back–they buy their albums and get on a soapbox called Youtube to whine about why people say their idols can’t sing. The only thing I can say to fans of Paris Hilton, J.Lo and Heidi Montag is this: the ears are an amazing anatomical structure.

Are Black People the New Guidance Counselors?

I don’t know if Dave Chappelle kicked off the role for black people in Hollywood as Tom Hanks’ best friend in You’ve Got Mail, but it looks like black people are starting to get a voice in entertainment. Aside from Chappelle’s buddy-buddy role in the 1998 romantic comedy, other black actors have taken the role as the white man’s voice of reason. Neo had Morpheus. J.D. had Turk. And everyone had LeVar Burton.

In 2006, the third installment of Mission: Impossible had Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) enduring gut-wrenching burdens with his former partner, Luther Stickell (Ving Rhamses), asking the hard-hitting questions that everyone was thinking. The advice that Stickell gave his respected white friend wasn’t extraordinary or anything; it was with simplicity and conviction of the given advice that made Hunt think.

Before, the people who made characters and audiences think were the old white folks and parental figures giving out their humble opinions. Now in this McQuick generation, people need the wow-factor, and that little factor doesn’t cut it with friendly parents anymore. Most of the black people casted for the best friend roles have to deliver in an upfront, no-nonsense-but-I-see-your-point type of fashion. It’s enough to make the main character uncomfortable, but it gets the job done, which, in this society nowadays, says “Wow” by itself. If delivering lines of sensibility also calls for some great wardrobe styles, then so be it.

Still, Hollywood is the heart of Lalaland, and looks–and roles–can be deceiving. As much as Hollywood tries to give black people some power, typecasting colored folks as the funny counselor, entertainment still has a long way to go. Playing the black guidance counselor for white people means taking a backseat–and sometimes, a tuck-and-roll to the curb–when it comes down to the minority characters.

The vocal powerhouse Jennifer Hudson as Louise in the 2008 Sex and the City movie gave some L-O-V-E to Carrie Bradshaw, who was trying to rebuild her life after an embarrassing break up. In spite of coming to the big city to find some love, Louise helped Carrie through the rough patches, even when she took an absence from the New York scene in the latter part of the movie. Thanks, Louise, for convincing Carrie to reclaim some $500 pumps, but do you have to do it while you’re fitting for your wedding dress? It’s just another way of saying, “Hey, black people, you’re always working for the Yankees even when you’re not under their payroll!”

On the more recent channels, TV shows seem to follow suit in writing for black roles. Nickelodeon’s tween hit, Victorious!, has Victoria Justice’s partner in artistic crime as her dred-locked friend, Andre, played by Leon Thomas III. In most of the family-friendly episodes, Andre ends up being a trusty shoulder to lean on for all of his white and passing friends. Usually spot-on in asking the right questions or giving sound advice, Andre seems to be more of the guidance counselor than versatile music artist in a school of performing arts. Can Nickelodeon hand Andre a guitar without something sensible coming out of his mouth?

Even Disney’s Sonny with a Chance, has Brandon Michael Smith, a stylish, but once again, token minority character that’s the smarter of the Grady-Niko duo. Disney and Nickelodeon practically push the fact that being black is insignificant than being anything or anyone else, best friend or not.

So while Chappelle, Morpheus, and even Geordi La Forge buddy up with their white counterparts, handing out advice and truth-seeking questions, it doesn’t disguise the fact that black actors are still those guidance counselors–without the benefits.

Allegory of the Spider

I hate spiders. I don’t know if it’s a societal influence or a personal preference, but spiders seem to be a part of an earthly species meant to creep people. I normally kill the extra creepy-crawlers immediately. However, one special spider brought me to a strange moment of enlightenment.

The spider was a white spider–an oversized version of the dead albino spiders I found between my blinds–and it clung itself between the popcorn ceiling and the powder-white wall. There was no hope for me to fling a book at it, so I reluctantly sat at my desk and pretended it wasn’t there. No matter how long I pretended to ignore that the strange spider was, in fact, nestled into the awkward junction between my wall and ceiling, I felt uncomfortable. I wanted it dead; death meant no more thinking about it dislodging from the space and landing on me to bite me.

But as I reached for a nearby book, I realized the spider wasn’t that different from humans. Sure, it had 8 legs with the ability to make intricate webs of fate, but the spider was still a living organism. I thought, “If I’m so superior to this spider, why am I scared of it?” It wasn’t like the spider was dangerous. It was just a spider.

I looked at the spider, lowering the book in my hand, as the faces of every so-called minority flashed through my mind. I was no different from supremacists and racists and those white women who shouldered their purses in the presence of a black man. You would think that killing another person or thing was for self-preservation–really, we’re just evolved cave people–but in today’s world, is it about protecting our bodies or preserving a bunch of lies and phony ideals?

Bigots act so high and mighty, putting their ideals on a pedestal, yet they try to purge others who are different. Groups of people try to look all-important, hanging folks with helping hands, twisting politics with “lawful” townspeople, and packing into restaurants with apathetic stares to minorities. Suddenly placed individually into a diverse crowd, they fake their hatred in guises of silence and feigned sympathy, or risk the full rebuttal of this country’s history of racism and indoctrination.

And they kill people because they are scared of the truth. Why else would anyone be adamant about taking another person’s life? Animals kill to survive and so do racist “humans”.

So was I really that different, or am I just like other humans? Was I so superior to that 8-legged creature that it needed to die for being born a spider? Did it need to die just for me to feel comfortable?

The spider remained in the crevice of the wall, and the next morning, it disappeared. I don’t know where it went, but I learned a valuable lesson from the little critter I will be forever grateful to learn.

Cheat

I’ve seen people visibly show their disgust at people who cheat, but there’s a difference between being a cheater and cheating, never mind the fact that one is a noun and the other is a verb. Understanding the reason why attached women and men do what they want with another person that isn’t their loved one is really simple, actually. Everyone has voids, and even when a relationship is perfect–they have filled the gaps that traditionally is enough to carry a relationship–people realize the voids. Nobody wants to feel voids, so they fill it with somebody.

Let’s say that a woman doesn’t feel beautiful anymore with her husband. He doesn’t notice when she changes her hair (c’mon, guys, that’s a sure sign a woman wants something to be noticed or changed). Or say that a man wishes his girlfriend was around more often. Both the married woman and the boyfriend have needs to continue the relationship, whether it’s something as fleeting as asking, “Your hair looks good”, or having the person around more often so they can be in sight, not out of mind.

Filling the gaps with other people seems equal to cheating, but when you look at it as part of human nature, who is a cheater and who is just cheating? Is a cheater a person who needs something that her oblivious husband won’t give and she finds what she’s looking for in another man once? Or is it seen as cheating–even just flirting with another woman because she’s closer–make that person a seeker?

Or maybe it just depends on the gender? It’s societal, and not a card I want to play right now.

Looking at “cheat” as an individual word can make all the difference, forget the gender banter. To be a cheater, man or woman, means that the person was attached and went to another person for something, mostly sexual, but something nonetheless. The unfortunate circumstance of the term “cheater” is that there is no past nor present tense on the term. A person could have a one-night detour from their partner, and the term can be stuck to them for as long as they live. Cheating, however, has a tense: present-progressive. It means that a person who is cheating is currently cheating. No past tense. Instead, “cheating” can imply future cheating–let’s not forget the “progressive” part of “present-progressive”.

At the end of the day, when people say this man or that woman is a cheater, they must accept the fact that people make mistakes. Although we, as humans, try to fill the needs within every person born into this world, we can’t and I don’t think we want to. So, as long as we are human and we are imperfect, cheating will continue.

The Desire

I need to get away.

Not just, “Hey, how ya doing, Relatives I Only Contact So I Don’t Have to Pay for a Hotel.” I want to really just get up and get away.

I feel so burnt out right now, in the same old city doing the same old thing. The worst part? The city is practically yelling at me to get away! I’ve been on a job search since who-knows-when, and here I am, officially graduated with two majors, and nobody bites.

This bites!

I wasn’t planning on my life being like this. It just did–hey, thanks, Life–but what I need I can’t get. At least, not right now.

So how am I supposed to get away when my city rejects me? How am I supposed to get some miles underneath my feet when money is gone? I’m sure homeless people do it all of the time, but that’s not me. I plan. I execute. I peel onion layers of questions apart and donate them to an organic garden.

Even though I’m completely burnt out, I feel restless. I don’t know if something exciting will happen in the future. There’s something in the air and I want to grasp and understand it. Maybe it’s so fleeting now because I’m not ready to comprehend this different future?

For now, it doesn’t matter. I just hope my future holds some sort of getaway, free peanuts included.

Free Comic Book Day!

In honor of Free Comic Book Day and me cleaning out my closet, here are a few volumes of manga I’m giving away!

Basilisk Volume 1

Zero: The Beginning of the Coffin Volume 1 (manhwa)

Absolute Boyfriend Volume 1

Tenka Muso Volume 2

Ceres Celestial Legend Volume 1

Broken Angels Volumes 1-2

Dark Horse Comics 2009 Preview Book

Shojo Beat Manga Sampler #4

Ninja Girls Volume 1

X/1999 Volume 1

If you would like one of these volumes, please email me at thejade9@yahoo.com or direct message me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/jeridel.

Thank you!

Exercise 21: Antiseptics and Disinfectants

Introduction

There are a wide variety of chemical agents available that are supposed to control microbial growth. Two examples of antimicrobial agents are disinfectants and antiseptics. In this exercise, you will test the effectiveness of a variety of antiseptics and disinfectants on a Gram-positive bacterium and a Gram-negative bacterium.

Materials

Cultures:

Pseudomonas aeruginosa

Staphylococcus aureus

Media:

1 TSA plate

Supplies:

Sterile swabs

Sterile paper disks (1/4 inch)

Pasteur pipettes

Miscellaneous antiseptics and disinfectants

Procedures

Day 1 (inoculation)

1. Dip a sterile swab into the culture of Pseudomonas aeruginosa

2. Swab a TSA plate over the entire surface by going in one direction; then turn the plate and swab the entire plate going in the other direction.

3. Repeat swabbing the entire plate, swabbing in three directions (by turning the plate).

4. Choose two agents form the basket of miscellaneous antiseptics and disinfectants, or your own from home.

5. Using flamed forceps, remove a sterile 1/4-inch disk from the vial and place it on the inside of the cover of the TSA plate.

6. Use a Pasteur pipette to add a drop of a liquid agent to the disk or squeeze a sample out of the container onto the disk.

7. Use the flamed forceps to transfer the saturated disk onto one-half of the TSA plate. Gently tap the disk so that it adheres to the agar.

8. Repeat the same procedure with another agent, and place the disk on the other half of the TSA plate.

9. Other students will follow the same procedure above with Staphylococcus aureus.

10. Invert all the plates and incubate at 35 degrees Celsius until the next lab period.

Day 2 (Measurement of Disks)

1. Use a millimeter ruler to measure any zone around the disks on each of the plates.

2. Record the results in the Evaluation of Results section.

3. Compare your results with the other students in the class.

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