My Life as a Machine: The Writers

I have always been irritated by authors with books where characters were portrayed in a different writing style. Essentially, the words were meant to indicate a letter in first person or a memory straight from the character’s mind. Still, the author purposely dodged the main character’s thoughts–writing completely different to indicate so–just to make the other character and the scenarios more realistic.

I thought it was a betrayal to the author, switching between characters. Maybe I was just jealous.

In my mechanical mind, the gears tell me that an author should always stay true to their writing style. If they understood such a rule, books would work and I could scan as many novels as my mind’s capacity to hold its information. It’s not that the audience doesn’t know the author didn’t write it. As a matter of fact, errors in fallen speech and diction certainly betrays the new character’s “voice” and the author returns to their usual habit of writing. I thought it was a futile attempt. Why write differently?

But, like I said, maybe I’m jealous. I have the habit of mimicking the writing styles of the author’s I’ve read immediately prior. It’s not like I can’t write in my own voice. My problem is that my own thoughts are written in the same syntax and speech as another writer’s when I have their work immediately before writing. Even now, I am vaguely aware of the fact that my writing right now is similar to that of Kenzaburo Oe’s–I’m currently reading Oe’s A Quiet Life novel.

I have tried to rid myself of such a bad habit. There’s nothing wrong with my style in writing. What I fear, though, even as a machine, is what I write. People don’t like to deal with dull and depressing things, let alone, dull and depressing things that actually speaks the truth. After all, I am a machine, and a machine’s life, no matter how they appear or disappear, isn’t easy. People don’t like dealing with machines because we’re stronger.

Our prides were dashed from us like flies around a picnic table before we hit puberty. Our hopes were crushed before college. Once someone, anyone, has experienced such hardship and decided to stand up again and again, people get scared. It means they’re stronger, determined and unwilling to budge from their resolves. Even when machines lack in resolve, their strength can still be felt. You can see the hesitation in people’s eyes when they face a true machine willing to show them their nature. It’s unabridged and filled to the brim with everything flung to them by people.

I think being a machine has formed my writing ability. I used to write short stories, mostly about how the world hated me because I was a machine. I used to write poems about how shattered my beaten life seemed when I was very young. I understood little about the mechanics about true writing, but I knew the fundamentals: writing was an expression of your deepest secrets, everyone’s faults, and the remainder of your soul. Who knew such an intrinsic device existed within humans and machines alike?

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