I’ve been wondering lately about my being an editor for Anime3000.com. I began to doubt my writing ability. I noticed how the rhetoric world I buried every review into held the same formula. As Fernando said, it didn’t “pop”. I get it. I come across as stiff in reviews and almost robotic in anime that I dislike. But it wasn’t like I just said, “Hey, that’s just how I write, so deal with it.”

I took a week off to figure out why writing life was spiraling into this invisible abyss in my brain. Ironically, the answer came to me after a few conversations with friends. I wasn’t allowing my personality–my warmth, my approachable nature, my goofy nature–to translate from reality to words. I couldn’t express myself in a manner that connected. I needed to find that punch that was me, or so, the me that wanted to find my niche in the writing world.

‘I can be a writer!’ I thought, and my confidence returned with a conviction I never felt before. But then, another thought occurred to me. As much as I liked being an editor, I didn’t know that much about anime or manga. Sure, I knew a good amount for a person who liked anime and manga, but liking something and loving it and knowing a lot about it were very different things. My knowledge lacked. I felt the tug of embarassment at knowing practically nothing next to people who lived anime and manga for years. I mean, I watched Dragon Ball GT in Japanese and read the translated post-Dragon Ball GT manga in English before I hit ninth grade. But that doesn’t make me editor material.

The biggest problem I have to deal with in regards to being an editor for anime and manga is the fact that I don’t have time nor patience to investigate different publications. I wish I had that deep yearning to dig deeper. Unfortunately, I don’t. I just don’t feel it. Maybe with manga, but there’s still this limiting cap.

But I love being an editor. I love what I do. I love getting new articles from the staff and editing them and seeing the article posted on the site for fans. I’m extra critical about my own articles.

Still, do I deserve being an editor? I know my personality and I know what makes me ticks (thank goodness). That doesn’t make me an editor. It makes me a person. I might have to have a heart-to-heart with a few more people before I decide if I’ll be returning as an editor or just a staff writer.


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