My Life as a Machine: Disconnection

Japan feels like home to me. The first time I went to Japan in 2008, I felt like it was a homecoming, like every inch of those islands was celebrating my return to its nature. Coming back to America gave me a heavy weight, and after two years, I returned to Japan alone. The earth felt different but comforting, and I stared at everything, trying to realize what my connection was to the country.

Now, with my acceptance into the JET Program, I comprehended why I yearned Japan so much. It wasn’t just the warm feeling that bubbled up from Japan’s earth into my bones. I knew something people seemed to be oblivious to. Japanese people are rather distant. The superficial politeness was just a by-product of the society–a society so concerned with image, the soul is denied in most cases. Deep down, I want to be disconnected from humanity. I do things that don’t involve me with others.

But I think it’s because I’m scared. And I don’t care. Or maybe I don’t want to peel away the mechanical frame called my skin, because I’ll become as fragile as people.

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